One moment at a Time...

It took 27 years before I finally understood that you will once live your childhood again through your kids. Things you would have liked to do, things that you had done. For me the day came on CHRISTmas when my son opened his first General Lee car. To Luke, it is his daddy's car. (I am currently restoring a 69 Charger into a General Lee which you can check out that adventure by clicking on the Rusty Lee restoration link here on my page) Wherever we go and we hear that Dixie horn, or see an orange car Luke will say, "There's daddy's car." It's very cute. Anyway once we were done with the gifts exchange, Luke had a chance to play. He went between his new train table and "daddy's car". As he began creating the engine noise and jumping over boxes in the way and finishing with, "Yee Haw!!!!!" I was reminded about how I loved my General Lee cars growing up. As I sat there watching him with a smile I wondered if this is what my mother ...

I love to write. It is something that helps me vent, seek out adventures, and display a variety of words that serve to paint a picture of a moment that has captivated me or others around me. One genre of writing that really gives me pleasure is poetry. I would like to share one of my poems that I have written with you. Now I am not a professional writer or seek that career, so please be nice when reviewing. I do what I can. Enjoy... LIFE'S PURPOSE Morning frost chills the air Crystals blanket the window as warmth lay twisted beneath layers of cloth The sun breaks through its night of darkness to reveal creation beginning a new day Life presenting new paths, new opportunities, and turning the mistakes of yesterday into future memories filled with happiness The chance of rain for the day does not stop the journey that awaits Screams of stress, fear, anger, and sadness fill the mind of possible failure Hesitation tricks the mind to take on the world Why is life so hard? Why do we...

Remember those days of less stress, less bills, and not to mention less baggage around the belly? In those days we would not pass up an opportunity to play in the snow. Who cares if it was cold!? Those were the days, right? well lets fast forward now to the present time. Snow is best when it is off the roads, off our cars, and left on the ground to look at but not submerge in. LeeAnn and I thought it would fun to go sledding. Though we both really don't care to be cold, we would rely on each other to create warmth on the hills. After the 20 minutes of gathering clothes to layer we set off to Cascades Falls here in Jackson. The sledding on these hills are legendary around here. I had never been to tell the truth so I was really excited. Upon arrival we noticed that there were many other lads out there enjoying the snow too. We were not the oldest ones out there, but after climbing he hill the first time we felt like it. Our ride/sled was a circle cyclone, green with hand...

Here I am, almost 2:00 am and I'm typing on the computer. The reason for this late night type is that I don't want this day to end. My beautiful wife has just fallen asleep, I laid there trying to let the night take me away and it's not happening. Why do I not want this night to end you ask? Well tomorrow is another work night, along with Thursday for my wife. Another night to get through. I will be honest, I struggle many times to get through the night. I haven't slept a clean night straight through in some time. It's just that my mind keeps me up. I'm an oversensitive baby I guess. I have always been a real sensitive guy. I look at it as a negative because I go through nights like tonight where I can't relax. After a nice and pleasant date night with LeeAnn I made a comment about the Internet that I shouldn't have. I apologized a couple times but I still felt bad because I know she loves reading and commenting on people's blogs. I'...

As I entered my school today ready to educate my students I was greeted by a parent who said, "You're not dressed up today." A little background for you, I'm a teacher and I wear ties 90% of the time, except for Fridays. Anyway after this comment and playing it off by saying, "I ran out of ties", which is a fib because I probably have around 60 ties. (THANKS BEAUTIFUL!!) I continued up to my classroom when another comment about the way I was dressed was received. I began to become curious as to why it mattered that I was dressed down on this day. To cut a long story short I found out right before class had started. You see I have to help one of my students daily getting up the stairs because he is in a wheelchair. As I was walking back downstairs there was a group of people, some students and a couple adults that were just waiting for me. When I approached my student I noticed he was wearing a tie with a blue shirt. (They too mentioned the way I wa...

I was looking through some old photographs of LeeAnn and mine and the last 9 years we have shared together tonight. I've found myself doing this lately when she is away at work, Lukas is sleeping, and I have nothing but time to pass. As I look each one over and reminisce about that moment I have realized how beautiful life has been. The one constant thing that I've had in my life is family, friends, and LeeAnn. All I ever really need. But even as beautiful as some of these moments are I start to ponder the fact that as time continues to change I am changing. A couple more gray hairs, a few more wrinkles, a couple more lost hairs, and some extra baggage around the belly. I'm not a huge person in many eyes but I feel unhealthy and question my physical appearance. I know there are many many more attractive people out there in the world than myself, and the only real person that I really want to impress is LeeAnn. After 9 years I still try everyday to impress her. I f...

For about 25 years (diaper days are excluded) I've been able to escape the troubles and chaos of the day by entering the office, my library, and sometimes referred to as my Fortress of Solitude. Yes I'm talking about the bathroom. For years and years I've kept this part of my life without interruption. I walk through that door and do my thang in peace. All of that ended the day my son learned how to turn the knob. Situation; I'm sitting on my throne like a king, stretched out, taking in the beautiful view of my bathtub when I hear a jiggle jiggle of the door knob. I became nervous, red faced, and silent hoping the intruder would pass. Sweat began to line my forehead as I was about to meet the person who would have the audacity to interrupt my time. As the door knob continued to jiggle I wondered if my wife was just playing with me (she knows me too well). It wasn't until Luke walked through the door and stood before me with that look of curiosity that I wa...

Music, what a wonderful release between words and emotions. Being the type of person that can't always seem to find the right things to say at a moments notice, if you give me a couple minutes I could generate my feelings into a song. I don't care too much about material treasures, but if I had to choose one that I couldn't live without it would be Ziggy, aka my acoustic guitar. It is a tool to release my stress, love, and faith. Ziggy has helped me through the good times and the bad, deaths and births, and just common thoughts escaping my mouth. I am a self taught musician, (guitar for dummies was my resource teacher). I picked it up just at the end of high school hoping to impress my lady. All I could rattle off was a couple easy riffs where I didn't have to move my fingers too far. It wasn't until I started listening to Dave Matthews that I was fully inspired to play funky chords and write beautiful lyrics. After just playing covers I became bored so I ...

I am in complete awe of my family. I recently found a junior high school workbook about my future goals and admirations. Within this book were questions about my priorities and what things meant the most to me at the current time and in the future. As I continued to scan this book the most consistent answer was taking care of my wife and kids when I grew up. The date in this book would put me at the young age of 14. I don't know why I would be concerned about a wife and some children at this age, but it brought a smile to my face knowing that I still feel that way 13 years later. Even more so now that I understand what it takes to take care of them. I did fail at becoming a professional athlete, but I think I have done much better than that now. I'm still in love with my wife since the days of admiring her in the hallways of our school. Although back then love to a school boy was more about lust and physical attractiveness and simply having the chance to court a hot c...

I made an errand for my beautiful wife yesterday to Dollar General and was waiting in line behind a family of 4; a wife, two daughters, and a husband. The tone of the mother as she spoke to her small children was out of disgust or annoyance. The children were pointing out little things to their parents for CHRISTmas ideas and obviously the parents were not interested in what they had to say. This made me start wondering about how the children are treated at home and elsewhere if they can do this in front of 15 people standing in line. There are many children out there with parents that really don't realize the beauty of childhood, and all the questions that accompany this age. Children are so innocent. I don't care if they are step children, adopted, or even neighborhood kids that seem to find trouble. They are only as good as there parents or whomever raised them. They learn this from observing their loved ones. Don't blame tv or radio for everything. If you thin...

It's Saturday and usually these days where LeeAnn is sleeping off last evenings work-night are strictly restoration time (restoring a 1969 Dodge Charger, I had decided to think of someone else other than my own desires on this day. Previously in the day I had gone down to talk to my Grandma Howard, who is still recovering from putting her second or three children in the ground within the last 5 years. I mention that because obviously it has been real hard for her to continue life in her usual stride. It has been hard for all of my Howard family. The Howard's curse is to suppress feelings when things go wrong. I do it myself often. I didn't even tell many of my friends that I had now lost my uncle. But this isn't about me and my feelings, I worry about my grandma and like to just go see how she is. I noticed on this day that she was just, I don't know, blah; and she wasn't really talking to me like we do, so I knew something was wrong. I went back up to ...

Family... It seems that we try and fill up our lives with an abundance of selfish desires when what really matters is the people that have stood by our side through thick and thin, good times and bad. We take our families for granted all the time. You running short on your bills this month, who is their to lend you some bread? I have been blessed to have a great surrounding family. And I'm not just talking about my own flesh and blood, but my extended family (in-laws). These are people that I truly love and I don't even take a second sometimes to let them know. LeeAnn and I have family here that doesn't have a lot of money, but they will and have opened their pockets for her and I in troubled times. We don't ask for such things, but they are willing to take a hit in their pocket to see their children stay above water. And even now with our son our family again extends a hand for LeeAnn and I without complaint, and without regret. They have done so much for us....

Last night my beautiful wife and I went out on a date. On this night we left little man with Grandma Howard. We do so much as a family that LeeAnn and I are not left with some quality time of our own during the week. So we made this a night for us. First I took her to LoneStar Steakhouse. I know it isn't a knockout restaurant but we make do with what we have in Jackson. To me I didn't care where we went as long as I had her with me so I could enjoy her beautiful presence. After the dinner we went bowling. Her and I had been apart of a bowling league practically since we were together (9 1/2 yrs). Since we had Lukas we have not been on a league. Just one of the many sacrifices that comes with parenting and work scheduling. So on this night we chose the old past time of ours to continue our night of love. The big question that you might be thinking is, "Did I let her win?" Well I thought about it, and after the sixth strike I threw in a row it was brought ...

I don't know about the rest of you but I wait until the very last possible moment before I pop a medicine pill of any sorts. Don't know why I don't just take something, but in the end if you leave a pill out for me to take you better actually watch me put it in my mouth and swallow. Check under my tongue, the sides of my mouth, and stay by my side for at least 10 minutes so you know I can't regurgitate that bad boy right back out. Maybe it is because I see it all the time where people are taking these pills for just about everything. " So Mr. Howard, you say that on your left foot about 3/4 of the way up your big toe you have a slight droopiness when you walk. Your toe could be stressed out from carrying the a lot of weight on that foot. We see this all the time. Don't worry, we have a pill for that big guy. It will probably run you $90 a pill, and if you start taking it you will probably rely on the pill much much more and will have to take this the r...

I had a student of mine yesterday give me a nice comment after a question response activity I had done with them. You see we are reading a book about how a child and father are coping with a mother that has left in order to find herself. And this book has many opportunities for myself to really reach down and get these kids to open up to me so I can understand them better. So anyway I had them begin their journal entry questions and I told them to write honest answers about themselves because no one will read these but them, not even I. My objective was to get them to really think about themselves and what they have already overcome in their lives or what goals they possess. To make a long story short after we were done and we were reflecting on what they had written I went off on a heart to heart talk with them. At the end of my little thing the student said, "Mr. Howard, we have been talking and believe that you should go around to different schools and talk to kids all around t...

Joy has overwhelmed my Sunday so far. The morning was welcomed with the silent pleasures that a man can relish with his beautiful love. As she lay sleeping I ran my fingers through her hair. Feelings of love trickled from my hands through each strand of hair that flows from her head. A sense of peace and tranquility as I admired her special features. Time seemed to stop. And though I knew she was mildly aware that I lay there treasuring each second, I continued for I knew that these moments are too few and far from the norm. I received nothing in return physically, or even expected a return gesture. The simple presence of peace with her as she lay stretching for the pillow. If only these moments could last a lifetime. Those seconds that floated by this morning left me with the question, " If I leave this Earth tomorrow, will she know just how much I truly love her? Not just when she is sleeping, but when she is right in front of me. We all have numbered days on thi...

Well I've never blogged before but I need to do something.. I've seen my wife do this and I've always been one to get everything out in writing, so I'll try it. Where should I start. Do I go back when I was a teenager, start from college, or just begin with this year? I have frequently looked at myself as a sincere hopeless romantic. The hopeless part is I share these feelings with my own heart and fill it completely yet only some of what I am feeling gets to the surface in spoken word. I have a great fear of rejection is the problem. I also have a low self-esteem. If I keep putting the pieces out there you would probably think that I was depressed and belonged behind bars. You see I don't drink, can't dance, take things for granted and then beat myself up over it. Some might call me boring since I'm not a rebel. I do have a wonderful wife that has stuck with me for nearly 10 years. She has helped me feel good about myself. She knows my flaws and...