Stress leads me to vent on the one place I don't care for... The Internet








Well I've never blogged before but I need to do something.. I've seen my wife do this and I've always been one to get everything out in writing, so I'll try it. Where should I start. Do I go back when I was a teenager, start from college, or just begin with this year? I have frequently looked at myself as a sincere hopeless romantic. The hopeless part is I share these feelings with my own heart and fill it completely yet only some of what I am feeling gets to the surface in spoken word. I have a great fear of rejection is the problem. I also have a low self-esteem. If I keep putting the pieces out there you would probably think that I was depressed and belonged behind bars. You see I don't drink, can't dance, take things for granted and then beat myself up over it. Some might call me boring since I'm not a rebel. I do have a wonderful wife that has stuck with me for nearly 10 years. She has helped me feel good about myself. She knows my flaws and still she comes back home. Together we have a small child, Lukas, and he takes a lot of our time now. I love him so much, but I look back on those times when all the attention was just on my wife and myself. The love was so strong and nothing in the world mattered except for her and I, together. I do not regret Lukas and infact can't wait to have another precious child. But I can't help to reflect on moments when life held fewer responsibilities. I don't get the attention that I use to, and have since realized that I no longer rest at the top of the priority list in some eyes. Am I being selfish? Yes. Will it change, probably not. All I know that is the love that is deep within our hearts will forever exists. And it is there, but we have to bring it out of the basement. It's big, deep, and forever long, but I can't lift it myself. I feel very very low. Am I alone here... I'm sorry to ramble and write such things. Maybe I am depressed. I fill the void with sports and nonsense. All I know is that I hate the internet and here I am using it to vent my troubles. I guess I just need a pick me up. I will continue to seek God's help. I will NEVER give up.

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