It's just hard sometimes

I was looking through some old photographs of LeeAnn and mine and the last 9 years we have shared together tonight. I've found myself doing this lately when she is away at work, Lukas is sleeping, and I have nothing but time to pass. As I look each one over and reminisce about that moment I have realized how beautiful life has been. The one constant thing that I've had in my life is family, friends, and LeeAnn. All I ever really need. But even as beautiful as some of these moments are I start to ponder the fact that as time continues to change I am changing. A couple more gray hairs, a few more wrinkles, a couple more lost hairs, and some extra baggage around the belly. I'm not a huge person in many eyes but I feel unhealthy and question my physical appearance. I know there are many many more attractive people out there in the world than myself, and the only real person that I really want to impress is LeeAnn. After 9 years I still try everyday to impress her. I fail sometimes, I succeed other times. There isn't anything greater to me then when she tells me that I look nice, or even better when she surprises me with a hug. It's at these times that I feel good about myself. Knowing that I feel good by these things has increased my awareness that other people might feel just like I do. What is it that they need to feel good? Are we doing enough to show them? What does it hurt to tell someone they are pretty, or they smell good even? My problem isn't that I don't think these things, but I don't say them enough. Then I have to think about not saying the wrong thing, or saying or doing too much to smother. I just want to be a good husband, a good friend, a good father, and a good person. It's hard sometimes. I hold high expectations for myself that if I fail at one of these things I really beat myself up. As I go to stand in front of the mirror I will look into the face of my biggest critic and ask, "How can I be a better me?" There are many things that will surface and I will continue to sort these out. But how about you? Do you feel good about who you are and what you are doing for those people around you? Think about how they might feel. Are we giving enough? The confidence and appearance of a person can be much more positive depending on how you treat them. I've said that love is the greatest gift you can give someone. Give it. Don't assume those around know you love them. Sometimes it might be just a touching of the hand and a smile. Do it. We all want to be loved in some way. Find that special way to love that person and keep doing it. Life will all seem worth while, just keep doing it. I know that if I keep showing and expressing my love for my wife she will still be in love with the person that I am and was 9 years ago. I don't want to be that teenager again, but I do want to try and win my wife over and over again like I did 9 years ago as a teenager.