One moment at a Time...

On my way to work I was stopped by a school bus with its flashers on. As I sat there I notice a father with his two kids waiting for the door to open. The father had on sweat pants, boots, and a robe it appeared. He didn't seem to be cold, but the temperature on my gauge told me he had to of been. As the doors opened his kids turned and gave him a hug and kiss good-bye. The father stood back up and helped the kids get onto the bus and as the door closed walked the length of the bus until the his children sat down. He remained there waving until the bus drive off. As I began to take off I was engulfed with a strong sense of love as a father. I can't wait to do this with Luke and my future children. I would do it the same way I thought. I wouldn't care about how I was dressed, what shoes I had on or anything. I had so much respect for this man I didn't even know. It was just something I could see myself doing. I have a couple years yet for Luke to start schoo...

"We cannot change yesterday. We can only make the most of today, and look with hope towards tomorrow." -? Have you ever sat thinking about different situations that have happened and wished you could change them? I often dwell on mistakes that I've made in the past. I mean they would probably seem very minor to most people, but a mistake is a mistake. I think too many people too often allow the past to consume their lives and drive them into depression. I do try and turn these mistakes into positives by learning from them. Now mind you it isn't always that easy. Even though hard times come and go it is the experiences that can one day help a loved one go through similar circumstances. At the time of the crisis/mistake, we don't want to stop and go, "you know I'm so glad that I left my car on in the garage and eventually blew up. This way I know to clean up the spilled gas from the lawn mower right when it happens." Ok, I know that seems l...

"Love is, above all the gift of oneself." -Jean Anouilh We all want it. The desire to be loved. Constant fireworks forever like the first days. The only thing that matters is being with each other. Then years down the line, work, kids, selfish individual pleasures, and not enough time to fit it all in. Love changes. "The love you start with will not be the same in five years. That love will not be the same in ten years, twenty, and so on." My father-in-law told me this in a letter when I asked his permission to marry his beautiful daughter five years ago. Now at the time I was just happy he said yes and gave his blessing. I'm so glad I kept that letter because it means so much more to me now practically five years later. The love we have has changed. It's no ones fault. Luke, our careers, and bills have stacked up against us to challenge that very love. But because of these things this "new" love will be stronger. I love LeeAnn mo...

"The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." -Chamfort I love to laugh. My friends, family, and even my students have experienced my laughter many many times. To some it may come off as evil, depending on the situation. Ask my buddy Mike. He knows. But its not that I think watching people fall on ice, or run into trees with golf carts causing small concussions (again ask Mike) are funny, its just, well... okay its funny. From tripping over obstacles (love you honey), to Luke doing handstands from leaning over the couch (he didn't get hurt), to practically peeing myself during a teacher training conference at a joke that only I caught... I just love to laugh. Now before people judge me by laughing when someone falls or gets a good groin shot, I do, for the most part see if they are not bleeding, crying, or hurt without recognition (I also laugh when I get into crazy situations too). I think it all started for me when my buddy and I took the sled b...

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - gandhi To spread love and peace through the world is a task that everyone thinks about. It all starts with one, that reflection you see in the mirror. But we know that it is difficult and hard to take on the constant battles that life presents. I wanted to share a couple words that others have said to help me, and now maybe some of you, to get through those tough moments. "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" - Rocky Balboa "Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself." -Jean Anouilh "No one can change you a...

As my beautiful wife, Luke, and I were leaving the house Saturday we were stirred by the horrible sound of a screeching car followed by a huge blast. Knowing instantly that there had been an accident in the area we hurried into the car to see if we could help. At first I didn't know where to go, but when we came to the end of our street you could see it plain as day on the next intersection. Someone had blown the side street stop sign and collided practically head first into an oncoming car. We pulled off and we went to see if there was anyone hurt. My attention turned to the car that was impacted because I noticed there were two children. After seeing if the driver was okay I went to the other side and came to the grandmother who was rocking the smallest child, maybe 5-7 years of age. I was scared as to what I was about to see, but thankfully the child was only shocked and scared with no major injuries that I could see. But as the children stood there I could only feel for...

Why does everyone always pick out the negatives in life? Yeah we all make mistakes an will continue to do so. But you know what? If you would just focus life on the positives you might smile a little more. Some people only talk to you because of a mistake. "You know Conrad, that dropped ball in last weeks game only shows that you need to spend a little more time after practice instead of doing interviews." Okay coach, but you did realize that I had 11 catches for 242 yards too right?" It's just what humans do. Look at the media. The news is mostly just bad news. Magazines sell because of the dirt they can collect on celebs. I see it all the time as a teacher. Kids go through misery when all you do is bicker about how they screw around all the time and don't hand in work. Yeah these should probably be pointed out, but why not throw in a couple positives moments to let the kids know you're paying attention. Baseball is a great example of showing peop...

To my friends - Thank you for calling or e-mailing and leaving me positive messages. This has helped me know that I am worth something. The jokes have always been great, but a serious question of how I am doing really solidifies why I choose to keep you all around. *smile* To my family members- Knowing that I am always loved no matter what keeps me afloat when times are rough. As I look to you all for positive support I know I will never leave without knowing that I am loved. To my son- My little buddy. When daddy is down you always still want me to play with trains and Superman. Thanks for still making me feel important. I mean who would put your train track back together 3 times a night after you take it apart. You are so precious. To my wife- You are my best friend, my love, and each breath I take. God has OVER blessed me with your presence . My world has been better with you in it. Thank you for being you.

I was at the post office the other day talking to a relative on the sidewalk when a man approached us. He was cold as you could tell from the blue tainted skin and the difficulty at which he was speaking while his shaken hand held a picture of a family obviously missed. He needed to buy a bus ticket to get to some family out of state. As he continued to work through his story of how he hasn't a job or any transportation I noticed my relative begin to look at their watch and then bid me farewell. As they left I noticed a glance that questioned why I was still standing there. I did so as I have done many times in the past. Something in my heart tells me to be patient and listen. I knew the inevitable question for money was coming. "Could you please spare a little change? Please sir, if you have anything to spare I would be appreciative." I didn't even hesitate to reach in my pocket. As I handed over a few dollar bills I was offered another hand shake and the usually ...

First of all to those who care I am feeling better. The uncomfortable feeling in my chest have weakened. I have been trying to rest the last couple of days and being around my wife and son have really helped me. It's amazing how far a single kiss from the one you love can affect you even when you are at the bottom of the barrel. When all seems lost it only takes a single touch to fill the void that might have been there. To see my son laughing and smiling when I get home fills me as well. It is a good feeling when you know you are loved. And as I go through life's stress and it builds and eats at me I will strive to be strong for my family. The stress is all my fault anyway. I have created it and allow it to control me. Then I begin to feel worse when I see how it affects those around me. I just try so hard to do the right things that if I make one mistake I feel like all those positives are erased and I'm there tainted by that mistake. I just need to get the motto...

"Societies perception of things can blind the many truths that lie beneath." -aj I have this funny feeling in my chest. It doesn't hurt, but yet it feels as though my heart is growing tired and weak. I don't feel well today. No I'm not sick or even have the common cold. I'm not well emotionally I think. The last couple days I have woken up with a headache, nothing like my migraines but I feel them. It doesn't stop me but I know its there. I move on. I woke up today again with a headache but my chest also let me know that I wasn't well. But I continued my day and went to work. I hid my agony through the smiles and conversations I enjoy with my kids. I had a good day at work, but in the down times I hurt. I can't fully explain it but it's there. I know it is stress. It seems as though I am close to stressed out. On the outside you may see a smile, but on the inside I feel like I'm crying. I don't even want to play basketba...

About four years ago for CHRISTmas one of my 3rd grade students gave me a cartoon video of Superman because he knew I had liked the super hero. That dvd had not been opened until last week when I thought that maybe my son would enjoy watching it. To be honest the cartoons were from the 50's and not the greatest illustrations, but that didn't matter. Luke sat there and watched everyone. Then wanted to watch them again afterwards. Well tonight while I was doing some chores around the house I went up into our storage to put away more CHRISTmas things and remembered I had a few Superman toy figures that I basically never opened. I thought Luke would like these since he was now watching Superman. I was right. He instantly started re-enacting some of the scenes while we put those old cartoons in. "This is a job for Superman" he would repeat the tv. He did allow me to play as well. I got to use the bigger one in the picture. We played and we played. Then I remem...

Looking around the house I notice there are many things that are just basically taking up space. Why do we all need all these material items. I mean do I really need another coat, or another decorative statue to look at. Recently I have been trying to unload some of these things on eBay. From autographed items, shoes, jackets, and even engine parts from the garage. If I can sell it and open up some space I'm game. But it seems whatever we get rid of we buy three things to replace it and the cycle continues. Clothes is a completely different story. They just keep piling up. If you were to go through my drawer you would have trouble opening it because there are clothes packed tight. Its bad when you have all those clothes and when you are planning a special evening out and about you think, "I have nothing to wear." I do have those moments when choosing a tie for work. honestly I have around 60 ties. (LeeAnn worked Kohls for 8 years and hooked me up way c...

The friends I have around me are very very important in my life. Of course we all can categorize our friends in some way. You have the comedian, flirt, obsessive, cheap, serious, dull, scary-weird, the one who we always make fun of, among many other categories I'm sure you could entertain. But no matter what category you place them in you would do anything for them. I have been very lucky to have had a good core of friends around me since elementary school. They have become people that I rely on in many different situations and would go out of my way to help them as I would my own brother. I care so deeply about these people that I would give up my own dreams in life if I knew it would grant them one of theirs. I love them. I can't help to think about as we get older how our relationships will change. We all pretty much have families or have moved away and our link has weakened. We still have moments today where it has been just as it was, but those are moments now. G...

Well we have started to make some updates to the house. Over my two weeks off from school I made it a priority to work down my lovely wife's list of what she would like to see change in the house. I wish I would have done this sooner but I wasn't confident with my ability to do manual work. I probably would best compare to Tim the Tool Man Taylor when it comes to home repair, but I do make an effort if that counts. I made some new shelves for the pantry area, and though they are not completely level, they will hold a bottle of laundry detergent. Then came the kitchen floor, this I called in my dad, which is more efficient with a hammer and saw. He was my Al. Only a couple mis cuts, but the floor is walkable. I felt good about the kitchen so we decided to tackle the living room. This was a big event. It was just my wife and I. Picture working along side your partner for 8 hours and having sharp and heavy objects in your hands. Arguments wouldn't have lasted long....

3:10 a.m - During my usual nights of waking up and being restless I usually just close my eyes and drift back off. However last night was different. LeeAnn was working the last of her 8 out of 9 work-night stretch and I broke my streak of having Luke sleep in his on room and let him reside in daddy's bed. I don't give in too often but thank God I did last night. When I awoke at the early hour of three I sensed something wrong. I listened for the humming sound of the furnace but it was not there. I crawled out of bed and instantly noticed that it was FREEZING COLD!!! I headed into the living-room to see the temperature had dropped to 64 in a matter of 3 hours ( I went to bed at 12). I then headed into the furnace room to hear nothing. I tried the breaker, reset the whole system, and nothing. I phone LeeAnn to see what I should do or have the people come out so we don't freeze to death. (Once the furnace stopped in the night and we woke up to 50 degrees) I then cal...

I need to lay down. I'm not talking about getting sleep either. I mean just laying on the floor, bed, couch, or anything that will hold me so I can just stop everything for a moment. And on top of this I would really like my wife there with me. The last two weeks have been filled with running around town for the holidays, shopping, returning what we shopped for, cleaning house, folding clothes, making chocolate milk, shoveling the drive way by hand, making food, mixing more chocolate milk, putting a new floor in the kitchen, putting the folded clothes away, and then making a 4th and 5th glass of chocolate milk. Now I know these duties are all part of growing up, and I am not trying to complain. Honestly I'm not complaining. I mean I do these things and enjoy doing them so LeeAnn doesn't have to when she works, which has been 8 out of the last 9 nights. It makes me feel good when LeeAnn wakes up and sees that I took care of things when she was sleeping. She needs to r...

I'm sure over the past couple hours people have been explaining their resolutions. Of course we all want some things changed in our lives, and making a list is or mental note is a popular way to keep track. I do have a few things that I would like to be accountable of this year. Here is goes; * Express my feelings more verbally to those around me- This is easy to do yet not done enough * Drink less Mt. Dew- this isn't easy for me, I'm doing better but I go through withdraws * Eat more vegetables- My wife is helping me try new things, plus I'd like to stay around on Earth a while longer * Treat my wife like the treasure she is EVERYDAY- She will probably become sick of me always loving on her, but she deserves it... The love I mean, not the annoyance * Record some of my songs on cd- This is so I will have them in case I every forget them * Help others learn about the relationship with Jesus * Not think so selfishly Although now that I have actually blogged these I...