Just give me a moment to catch my breath
"Schools out for-the-summer!!!!"
As I handed out many hugs to my students, tears fell, smiles filled the halls, and an occasional "Bye Mr. Howard" was heard from down the hall. I completed the last of my end-of-the-year paperwork in an oven (95 degrees in the morning in my classroom alone!!!). Once I locked up the room and went to get the boy my mind started recalling how stressful this last year has been on my life. I probably aged 10 years, and it wasn't my students fault either!!!!
Where should I begin. I entered this year without a contract. I was to step in and fulfill a teacher's absence for the whole year. They told me it would lead to a contract, but in September I wasn't going to get my hopes up so early. They got a full time teacher at a sale!!!!! No sick days for me. If I was sick I wasn't paid. Going to Professional Development or after school activities, I wasn't paid. It was okay though because I had to pay my dues I guess. I worked very hard to help take care of my family. I was called in one day, but was sick many days. I'm not looking for pity, it's just one scoop of stress.
The next scoop was finding out that there was almost a fallout with one of my family members that I dearly love. This hurt the most. I can recall crying in-between my classes before my students came in only to hide behind a fake smile for them. My life is one of love, and to be hit in the face with one of my family members the way I was tore me apart. It led me to partial depression and ate away at me. It was a very frustrating and sad time in my life. My heart still hurts thinking about it.
The computer is the cause for another scoop. It felt like for a while that I was getting replaced by a computer for many months. I never really thought the computer would hurt me the way that it has, but it did and has. Myspace, chatting, e-mails, it just creates possible opportunities to hurt those you love. I've had people around me mis-use the computer, and they say "I never meant for this to happen." Why would you even want to create possible situations like these. The computer should NEVER come between family. I don't care what you say about it, it should NEVER!!!
My wife,Beautiful, working third shift isn't that great either. When I can't go to bed with my wife for five days at a time during all this crap doesn't help.
Seeing my best friend go through some love problems really saddened me. When he hurt I hurt, but there was nothing I could do but listen. To hear your buddy weep really doesn't make you feel good.
My college credit hit me hard in the wallet. After they took away 12 credits I spent two straight months Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday every week to make up a few. You can count on my summer being filled with classes too!!!
Another muddy scoop was when I was told my wife had pre-cancer cells. I don't care if it's pre- whatever, you say cancer I'm freakin out...
We got the house up for sale... Enough said.
Just a couple more stab wounds- Alcohol, dancing, late nights.. Never a good mix. Oh, and let me throw in there that my Uncle Larry died suddenly in the middle of all of this...
This year has been the roughest of my life, but it has made me stronger. I'm tired though. As the stress battled me day after day I was offered a contract at Michigan Center. This is MY school where I grew up. It was on my life goals list. To teach at the school that provided me my education. I have been working toward this goal since I was a Sophomore in High school when I decided to become a teacher. Check another one off the list. I didn't really celebrate when I reached this goal like I wanted ( no hugs, no balloons, nothing) but rather just sat alone and took a breath. I needed it. And that one breath that I took after I got that contract was full of everything I've mentioned here and more. It felt good, but it hurt too.
Life isn't easy, and I don't expect it to get easier. Boy can it really take you down quickly though. I'm just trying to be the best person and fill the high expectations I have and my family has for myself. I don't live for myself, but for them. It would be easier to just live for myself, but achieving these goals for them makes me want to keep going despite the bumps. I will now go back and look at the next goal on my list. And you can bet your bottom I'll reach it. I have my wife, and a little boy that depends on me. I'll keep striving as long as I have a breath in my body. BUT tonight I'm taking a break to catch my breath. It'll be a short break though....
As I handed out many hugs to my students, tears fell, smiles filled the halls, and an occasional "Bye Mr. Howard" was heard from down the hall. I completed the last of my end-of-the-year paperwork in an oven (95 degrees in the morning in my classroom alone!!!). Once I locked up the room and went to get the boy my mind started recalling how stressful this last year has been on my life. I probably aged 10 years, and it wasn't my students fault either!!!!
Where should I begin. I entered this year without a contract. I was to step in and fulfill a teacher's absence for the whole year. They told me it would lead to a contract, but in September I wasn't going to get my hopes up so early. They got a full time teacher at a sale!!!!! No sick days for me. If I was sick I wasn't paid. Going to Professional Development or after school activities, I wasn't paid. It was okay though because I had to pay my dues I guess. I worked very hard to help take care of my family. I was called in one day, but was sick many days. I'm not looking for pity, it's just one scoop of stress.
The next scoop was finding out that there was almost a fallout with one of my family members that I dearly love. This hurt the most. I can recall crying in-between my classes before my students came in only to hide behind a fake smile for them. My life is one of love, and to be hit in the face with one of my family members the way I was tore me apart. It led me to partial depression and ate away at me. It was a very frustrating and sad time in my life. My heart still hurts thinking about it.
The computer is the cause for another scoop. It felt like for a while that I was getting replaced by a computer for many months. I never really thought the computer would hurt me the way that it has, but it did and has. Myspace, chatting, e-mails, it just creates possible opportunities to hurt those you love. I've had people around me mis-use the computer, and they say "I never meant for this to happen." Why would you even want to create possible situations like these. The computer should NEVER come between family. I don't care what you say about it, it should NEVER!!!
My wife,Beautiful, working third shift isn't that great either. When I can't go to bed with my wife for five days at a time during all this crap doesn't help.
Seeing my best friend go through some love problems really saddened me. When he hurt I hurt, but there was nothing I could do but listen. To hear your buddy weep really doesn't make you feel good.
My college credit hit me hard in the wallet. After they took away 12 credits I spent two straight months Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday every week to make up a few. You can count on my summer being filled with classes too!!!
Another muddy scoop was when I was told my wife had pre-cancer cells. I don't care if it's pre- whatever, you say cancer I'm freakin out...
We got the house up for sale... Enough said.
Just a couple more stab wounds- Alcohol, dancing, late nights.. Never a good mix. Oh, and let me throw in there that my Uncle Larry died suddenly in the middle of all of this...
This year has been the roughest of my life, but it has made me stronger. I'm tired though. As the stress battled me day after day I was offered a contract at Michigan Center. This is MY school where I grew up. It was on my life goals list. To teach at the school that provided me my education. I have been working toward this goal since I was a Sophomore in High school when I decided to become a teacher. Check another one off the list. I didn't really celebrate when I reached this goal like I wanted ( no hugs, no balloons, nothing) but rather just sat alone and took a breath. I needed it. And that one breath that I took after I got that contract was full of everything I've mentioned here and more. It felt good, but it hurt too.
Life isn't easy, and I don't expect it to get easier. Boy can it really take you down quickly though. I'm just trying to be the best person and fill the high expectations I have and my family has for myself. I don't live for myself, but for them. It would be easier to just live for myself, but achieving these goals for them makes me want to keep going despite the bumps. I will now go back and look at the next goal on my list. And you can bet your bottom I'll reach it. I have my wife, and a little boy that depends on me. I'll keep striving as long as I have a breath in my body. BUT tonight I'm taking a break to catch my breath. It'll be a short break though....
Comments